On Support - Survivors Speak
Each person that comes into our lives can be a support to and for us on our journey until we are strong enough to support ourselves and journey on our own.
Supportive words we have heard and appreciated:
I'm sorry you're going through this.
You didn't deserve this.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Do whatever you have to do. I support you.
I believe you.
I care about you.
I love you.
What do you need right now?
Respectfully ask us:
what is going on for us or what we are experiencing or how the abuse
has affected our life choices only if you really want to know or hear.
about our feelings only if you are willing to hear them.
Some of us can't share or talk about our feelings or experiences and
we will let you know in different ways but we appreciate someone caring
enough to ask. We don't want anyone to try to change how we are feeling
or the choices we have made or fix anything for us.
We know no one can fix it but ourselves. We have to go through it alone, but support works wonders. We can make sense out of what we have experienced. Through education and support, we grow.
When we are able to express our feelings or torment, grief, rage, despair, hopelessness and all the losses we are grieving, our energy is no longer used to hold them in. When our feelings are released, we are transformed. We feel better and have energy. When we don't have the opportunity to express our feelings, we get sad, sick, suicidal, hostile, or take out our feelings on someone else.
Respect our wishes regarding confidentiality or not telling anyone. If we can learn to trust you, we may trust someone else.
© Ellen Sagh, 1996
Words That Have Not Helped
You just have to forget about it.
A lot of people are worse off than you.
Don't tell anyone.
You can't keep dwelling on it.
Get your mind on something else.
You can't worry about that.
You have [label-usually some disorder].
You are [label-some disorder].
Why don't you _________? Why didn't you ________?
You shouldn't feel that way.
If i were you, I'd __________.
You should _________________.
If you'd get a job, go to work, volunteer, talk to God...you'd be better off.
We want, need and deserve
people
to LISTEN and RESPECT our choices.
© Ellen Sagh, 1996
