Myths & Facts

Myths

• There is a universal taboo against incest which prevents its occurrence
• Children are usually molested by strangers.
• Incest is a rare occurrence.
• Incest only happens in lower class and/or rural homes.
• Only young girls are victims of incest.
• Women offend as frequently as men, it just is not reported.
• The offending male is either psychotic or retarded.
• It is only homosexuals who abuse children of their own sex.
• Children lie about incest.
• Children are seductive. They fantasize about incest, want it, and may experience pleasure.
• The child will always feel negatively toward the offender.
• Non-offending mothers in incestuous families know the incest is going on, often cause it and/or condone it.
• Sexual abuse is nonviolent and therefore non-damaging.
• Incest is a one or two time occurrence involving a single child.
• Incest is a problem of the family only.
• It is better not to talk about incest - the child will forget.

Facts - Child sexual abuse statistics

Incest can and does happen. The taboo is not against doing it, it is against talking about it. The taboo keeps incest in the dark thus encouraging the very behaviour it is supposed to prevent.

75-80% of children are molested by someone they know, e.g.., family members, relatives or close friends. The most likely to molest children are those who have the most access and opportunity to them.

Documented estimates on incest vary from 1 in 23, 1 in 17, to 1 in 10 children.

Young boys and girls are equally vulnerable to sexual exploitation. Though reported cases indicate a higher percentage of girls, this can be attributed to the idea that males are expected to take care of themselves,and as a result, often do not deal with the problem by talking about it.

95% of all reported offenders are male. Sexual abuse by female caretakers may be underreported and may include: inappropriate intimacy in the form of sleeping arrangements, tickling a child's genitals, walking in on children while they are bathing or undressing, leaving a door open so the child may see the woman bathe or undress. (Frederich Matthews, COMBINING VOICES, P. 16)

Men who offend are uncomfortably familiar. There are no statistics to substantiate that they are "different" or mentally ill or mentally challenged.

Adult male-child abuse is either perpetrated by pedophiles or heterosexual men.

Children do not have explicit sexual knowledge to enable them to talk about such phenomena unless they have experienced it. Children do not have the cognitive capacities to make it up.

Children are sensual. "Seductive" is an adult interpretation. Children being abused sexually learn usually at a very young age that in order to get their needs met they must "put out" sexually. They begin to equate love with sex. They begin behaving in "sexual" ways to get affection or sensual needs met. Their behaviour is labeled seductive by adults.

Children will probably have ambivalent feelings toward the offender. They may have enjoyed the extra attention and may be confused and resentful. They are also likely to pick up from the offender that the act is wrong. His demands for secrecy and his threats make the child aware that the incestuous relationship is wrong. It is important to be aware of the many different feelings the victim may experience.

Of the non-offending mothers 1/2 knew about the abuse. For those who knew 50% took immediate action. 20% took action at a later date, and 30% took no action. The reasons the mothers took no action are complex. A majority of them were emotionally, physically, and/or economically dependent on the offender. Many of them were as controlled by the offender as the victim. A majority of those who did not know of the abuse suffer from shock, disbelief, and sometimes denial. They suffer guilt, self-blame, and/or humiliation. For all non-offending mothers disclosure means destruction of their self. They are challenged on three fronts: as wife, their role as mother, their role as a person.

It is not just the violence but the factors such as the length of relationship, the emotional distance from the offender and the age of the child that influence the degree of traumatization.

The damage of incest includes: children are denied their childhood, children are denied a loving and nurturing relationship of trust, children are exploited and betrayed as a person by a person in a position of authority or trust.

Incest typically goes on for 3.5 years prior to discovery. It is not confined to one child but usually involves children sequentially by age.

50% of runaway girls and boys, 70% of adolescent drug addicts, and 60% of young prostitutes were victims of sexual abuse. The social price is enormous.

Adults often do not talk about incest because of their own discomfort with the topic. If you are not willing to talk about the situation the person will probably feel that you think it is something to be ashamed about, that it is dirty and just too awful to talk about. This attitude will only serve to increase the guilt, shame and feelings of abnormality

 

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